The convo happened in our kitchen when my honey and I were talking about our past relationships. And we were both curious as to how we loved so deeply but chose people who only loved on the surface.
And I remember reading this quote which I absolutely love!!!
"Despite how open, peaceful and loving you attempt to be; people can only meet you, as deeply as they've met themselves." - Matt Kahn
The depth of connection we can forge with others is intrinsically tied to the depths we have ventured within ourselves.
Self awareness is so crucial to having a thriving relationship. It is a foundational element that significantly contributes to the depth and meaningfulness of the connection. When you know who you are and what you need, you can bring your true self into the relationship, creating an environment where both partners can be genuine and accepted for who they are.
We realized that although we did a ton of self-reflection and introspection our partners did not. In my previous 13 year relationship (Denise speaking) my partner was ok living life mediocre. He was happy with his 9-5 and just moving through life on autopilot. I was always in a space where I wanted to explore and go on new adventures and wanted to constantly learn new things and worked on my personal development and was always insatiable on wanting to grow. We were completely different people.
He always stated that I was never happy. I always wanted more. And I did. I wanted more out of a relationship. I wanted more out of life. I am not one to stay in my comfort zone. I wanted a challenge. I wanted excitement. I wanted to take risks. And well he, he just wanted to stick to his same every day schedule. Go to the gym at 4am, come home, take a shower, be to work by 7:00am, come home by 5:30pm, have dinner, watch tv and do it all over again. And for some that may be ok. But for me. This killed me inside.
I literally felt like I was slowly dying. Like a flower that gets zero sunlight and that has been deprived of water. I began wilting over time. There was no affection, no passion, no late night convos of what we wanted to pursue in life, no dreaming together, no plan for where we saw ourselves in 5 years. There was just the day to day mundane conversations that got us through. "How was your day at work?" "Oh, it was fine." How was yours?" "Good, good". This left me feeling so depleted. And so unfulfilled. I wanted to talk about what lit my soul on fire. I wanted to snuggle naked in someone's arms and talk until the sun came up about what really intrigued me and how I could create magic.
I realized that no matter what I did or how much I complained about going to couple's therapy or maybe going on a romantic getaway that this person was just not going to make changes to his life. He was perfectly fine with it all. And I would always just want more. We just were not compatible. And that is OK. He now he is in a relationship with someone who fits him to a T and I am with someone who constantly challenges me with late night thoughts, dreams and aspirations and gives me adventure every single day of our life.
Which leads me to the question...
How can we expect to truly understand and connect with others if we have not first delved into the recesses of our own being? It is as though we are trying to navigate the ocean without ever setting foot in a boat, missing out on the richness that lies beneath the surface.
When we take the time to dive into our own introspection, we become better equipped to relate to others on a profound level. We gain a heightened empathy, an ability to discern the nuances of their emotions, and an appreciation for the complexities of their experiences.
By embracing our own vulnerabilities, we create a space for others to do the same, fostering an environment where authenticity and genuine connection can flourish. When you let your walls down, you are able to explore your partner's hidden depths, to navigate the currents of their joys and sorrows, their dreams and fears.
Conversely, if we remain on the surface of our own selves, our interactions become like fleeting ripples on the water, lacking the substance and resonance that come from true understanding. We may find ourselves engaging in superficial exchanges, missing the chance to truly connect heart-to-heart.
Here at MickSauce we want you to know that we get it! We have been through the unfulfilling moments in life that had us question if there really was an extraordinary love out there, or if we were just hoping for a fairytale that would never come true. We would love to help you navigate your journey of self-discovery, confronting your own shadows, acknowledging your strengths and weaknesses, and cultivate a profound sense of self-awareness. Be willing to explore the depths of your emotions, to grapple with your fears and uncertainties, and to emerge a stronger, more compassionate individual.
Just as the ocean beckons us to discover its hidden treasures, so too do our own souls invite us to embark on a journey of self-discovery, ultimately enriching the tapestry of connections that make life truly meaningful.
If you are looking to get to know yourself check out our 90 Day Self Discovery E-Guide that will get you started on your path to authenticity.