The Hardest Lessons We Had To Learn With Love

Lessons about love can be incredibly profound and challenging, often teaching us valuable insights about ourselves and our relationships.

FIRST. We learned that letting go is excruciatingly painful when you really want to make it work with the person you are with. But if that person is completely incompatible with you, it becomes one sided. There becomes tension and resentment. And lots of feelings of unworthiness. Sometimes you have to sit down and ask yourself if staying and sacrificing your happiness is more doable than actually risking it all and finding a love that could be extremely fulfilling and meaningful. Nobody wants to end up in divorce. But when both partners are not invested- it makes it difficult to elevate as a couple. Things remain stagnant and unfulfilling. And that’s no way to live.

Letting go is an act of profound self-care and self-awareness, a recognition that one's mental well-being is paramount in the intricate tapestry of relationships. In moments when a relationship reaches a standstill, and despite all sincere efforts, forward momentum seems elusive, it becomes essential to honor the inner wisdom that only you possess. Deciding what is best for your well-being requires a courageous acknowledgment of the present reality, an acceptance that certain relationships may not align with your core values, personal growth and fulfillment.

It is an act of self-empowerment to release the grip on a situation that no longer serves your happiness and mental health. We are not saying don't give it your all in your marriage or partnership. Give it everything that you have got!! Until you feel there is nothing else left to give. But what we are saying is that if you can't seem to see eye to eye and only one person is carrying the weight of the relationship, then letting go is not an admission of defeat; rather, it is a declaration of strength, a commitment to prioritizing your own needs and fostering an environment where your emotional health can flourish. Only you hold the compass to navigate the path toward a brighter, more fulfilling future, guided by the understanding that choosing yourself is an act of love and resilience.

When Robert and I first met we were both in the process of letting go of past relationships. There were some moments when we didn't think that our relationship would last. There was a lot of baggage brought over from previous relationships that caused us to not have trust and we both struggled with that early on. But we were both able to be transparent about what we had experienced and allowed to be vulnerable to open up to one another and share the deepest most intimate parts of ourselves in order to thrive. We were both very intentional and self aware and so this part of the process was easy for us to navigate as long as we continued to open up and speak up about our insecurities, our wants and needs and what our core values were in order to help our relationship grow. We were able to let go of our past in order to move forward in our future. And we know that takes a lot of work on both parts. Which leads us to to our next hardest lesson in love....

SECOND was vulnerability. Ohhhhh this word is so scary. But so courageous all at the same time. Vulnerability is the heartbeat of authentic and deep connections in a relationship. It is the courageous act of exposing one's true self, complete with strengths, fears, and insecurities. In the dance of love, vulnerability is the melody that transforms interactions into profound and meaningful symphonies.

When partners allow themselves to be vulnerable, they invite intimacy and create a safe space for emotional exploration. It is through vulnerability that true understanding blossoms, bonds deepen, and empathy flourishes. In the vulnerability of sharing dreams, fears, and aspirations, a unique and unbreakable connection emerges, fostering a relationship that is not just built on love but also on the raw, honest essence of each individual. It is this openness and vulnerability that breathe life into a relationship, making it resilient, authentic, and capable of weathering the complexities of the human experience together.

Here are some examples of what vulnerability looks like in a relationship:

• Expressing Your Feelings: Sharing your emotions, whether positive or negative, and expressing how you truly feel about specific situations or aspects of the relationship.

• Sharing Personal Stories: Opening up about your past experiences, both the triumphs and the challenges, allowing your partner to understand your journey and the events that have shaped you.

• Admitting Mistakes: Acknowledging when you've made a mistake, taking responsibility for your actions, and expressing genuine remorse. Vulnerability includes being humble and owning up to imperfections.

• Discussing Insecurities: Sharing your insecurities and fears, whether they are related to the relationship or personal aspects of your life, and allowing your partner to provide support and reassurance.

• Asking for Help: Recognizing when you need assistance, whether it's emotional support, guidance, or practical help, and being comfortable enough to ask your partner for their input or assistance.

• Discussing Needs and Desires: Articulating your needs, desires, and expectations in the relationship. This includes discussing what you value, what you hope to achieve together, and what you need to feel fulfilled.

• Expressing Vulnerability in Intimacy: In the physical aspect of the relationship, vulnerability involves being open about your desires, communicating your preferences, and expressing your feelings about intimacy.

• Sharing Hopes and Dreams: Revealing your aspirations, dreams, and long-term goals. Vulnerability means allowing your partner to see the vision you have for your future and understanding theirs.

• Being Open about Fears of Rejection: Discussing any fears you may have about the relationship, such as the fear of rejection or abandonment, and working together to create a supportive and understanding environment.

• Expressing Gratitude: Vulnerability isn't solely about sharing challenges; it also involves expressing appreciation and gratitude. Letting your partner know what you value about them and the relationship fosters emotional intimacy.

• Discussing Mental Health: Opening up about your mental health, discussing your feelings or struggles, and seeking support when needed. This promotes an atmosphere of understanding and empathy.

• Being Open to Feedback: Vulnerability extends to being open to constructive feedback from your partner. It involves a willingness to listen, reflect, and grow together as individuals and as a couple.

In essence, vulnerability is about creating a space in which both partners feel safe to be their authentic selves, fostering trust, emotional intimacy, and a deeper connection in the relationship.

THIRD was compromising. Compromising in a relationship involves finding common ground, making concessions, and working together to reach solutions that meet both partners' needs. It's a crucial aspect of healthy relationships, fostering understanding, cooperation, and mutual respect. This begins with open and honest communication. Both partners express their thoughts, feelings, and needs, creating a foundation for understanding each other.

It often involves meeting in the middle. For example, if one partner prefers spending more time at home, while the other enjoys socializing, a compromise might involve balancing nights in and nights out.

Prioritize your relationship goals. What matters most within your relationship? It's about finding a balance between giving and taking. It might mean making concessions in certain areas while standing firm on others, ensuring that both partners feel their needs are acknowledged.

When conflicts arise, compromising involves collaborating on solutions. Both partners actively participate in problem-solving discussions, aiming for resolutions that satisfy both parties. While both partners are unique, respect these differences without trying to change the fundamental aspects of the other person.

Compromising is not about one person winning and the other losing. Instead, it aims for solutions that create a "win-win" scenario, where both partners feel satisfied and valued. Remember you are a team and it's you two against the problem, not each other.

We are here for you on your journey!! It's never a linear line. It always has its ups and downs. Please be sure to use our new online coach Denise GPT to navigate your journey!!! She is a great help for answering questions on your personal day to day struggles and challenges.