I had not yet fully healed from the scars of my past, and I allowed that pain to creep into my new relationship. There were times when I felt like I was sabotaging the love that was blossoming between us. They say love has a way of bringing things to the surface that need to be addressed.
One day, I decided to open up to my partner about these deep-seated insecurities. It was a raw and vulnerable moment, baring my soul to him.
He listened with an open heart. He didn't see my vulnerabilities as weaknesses but as a testament to the strength it took to share them. His response was a testament to the kind of person he was - someone who cared deeply, someone I could trust.
From that moment on, our relationship began to transform. Those triggers that once sent me into a spiral of doubt and fear gradually lost their power. My partner, with his unwavering support and gentle reassurance, became a steadfast anchor in my life. He didn't just tell me he could be trusted; he showed it, time and time again, through his actions and words.
In the mirror of our relationship, I saw myself not as broken, but as a work in progress. Through his love, patience, and understanding, I started to heal the wounds that had held me captive for so long. It wasn't an overnight transformation, but it was a journey worth taking.
Our love story is a testament to the power of vulnerability, communication, and the healing that can happen when two souls come together with open hearts. It's a reminder that love, when nurtured with patience and compassion, can be a balm for even the deepest of wounds.
It was hard for me to trust men and so I put up a wall to not allow anyone in fully. This caused more damage because I dated men who were emotionally unavailable and not ready for commitment. Deep down I know I wanted a committed partnership but I was afraid. And so I was the one who was in control in all of my relationships. This allowed me to feel safe. But it hindered the trust I had for my partner and it came across as super controlling.
The day I decided to open up to my partner about the reasons why I wanted everything to be a certain way was the day I was set free. From then on he helped me to let go of things I feared. Which was loss.
I have experienced so much loss in my life that I tried to hold onto things and people for fear of losing them (even people I shouldn’t have held onto for so long).
When I was triggered from something as small as him wanting to go somewhere without me, he would reassure me that he was coming back. He wasn’t leaving me. You see my dad walked out of a 20 year marriage with my mom when I was 7. And 2 brothers of mine have passed. So the abandonment wound showed up in all of my relationships even though I pushed it down and didn’t want to recognize it or nurture it. My brain simply understood that the men in my life always leave. And so I reacted irrationally to small situations that were extreme in my own mind.
In the beginning of our relationship my partner didn’t know of these traumas I experienced and so my behavior came across as irrational to him. And we would argue. But after telling him about my struggles and my worries he was able to understand that we just needed to work through this and he needed to help build that trust back up again. Which we did. And now our entire relationship has transformed into something magical!
Thankfully I have a very patient and understanding partner who stuck by my side and truly listened to my thoughts and my fears and began to take action to heal the wounded parts of me.
Today we stand tall in trust & vulnerability. We have constructive conversations about issues that pop up and we always learn to work our way through it without judgment.
Life changing inner healing ❤️🩹